As you all know, I’ve been experimenting with new ways to express myself creatively this year and get more aligned with my creative calling and purpose. If I’m being honest with myself, I’ve always wanted to be an independent writer/artist (at least since I was in my high school/college years). It isn’t that I don’t or can’t work well with others; it is just that I’m an individual who needs a lot of independence (especially as an introvert and a 2/4 profile in Human Design). Not to mention, as an artist and writer, I need space and alone time to work through my creative process in a free-flowing way.
Originally the idea started in my early high school years to be a freelance writer/illustrator. However, my path had a lot of unexpected twists and turns. While it’s not what I would have originally; chosen for myself, it’s lead me to who and where I am today. I’ve met and worked with a lot of amazing people. I’ve been able to make an impact; in the lives of many of our youth and future generations. I’ve gone from turning off my need and desire to create and be creative; in order; to be a “successful” grown-up; to reconnecting with my creativity in the most meaningful way. I’ve been able to explore and experiment with my creative passions in new and unexpected ways that I might not otherwise have done.
I don’t regret my choices and path; if anything, it has made me stronger, wiser. It’s helped me to learn about myself on a deep and personal level. It’s helped me to be able to identify my needs, wants, and desires as an individual, an artist, and a creative. Though, I’ve still been holding onto some of those “grown-up” expectations for the last several years, unable to shake them all off. Not to mention, change and taking risks is scary! However, 2020 and losing my adopted mom last August have shaken me awake at my very core and forced me to brush away the cobwebs of my mind, sort through my mental storage, and open the curtains of my heart and soul to look at things from a fresh perspective.
It’s frightening and yet highly freeing to say that I’m preparing to embark on a new adventure, create a new chapter, and start over on a fresh canvas. So what does this mean? I can hear you all asking (because that is the question floating around in my own mind). While I’m not sure entirely what this means or what it looks like on the whole. I have several thoughts that on the subject area. Let’s start with the fact that I’m not all about the hustle and work-harder concept. I’m more about the, I know my worth, including my time. Time is so precious; losing my mom was a huge reminder of this, and I want to truly live!
A few years ago, I stopped really marketing my artwork on my Redbubble store because of a few comments I received from people in my early years of blogging (not on WordPress) and on Instagram. While; it was not the majority of people, it was enough in my earliest, most vulnerable time of putting myself out there. My art had always been a private thing that I only shared with a few close friends and family members for the most part. I’m a highly sensitive individual, and that scared me away from “selling” or “offering” what I had to share with the world in that way.
Of course, I’m finally in a place now where I’ve built up a lot more confidence in my sharing. That means if someone doesn’t like what I have to say or offer the world, that is okay. I’m not for everyone. I’m not asking for permission to speak my truth and express myself freely. Of course, I always aim to be respectful and compassionate in all that I do and say, but that does not mean I’m going to stop sharing all parts of myself that I feel called to share with the world, otherwise; I’m doing the world and myself a disservice.
One new idea I’ve recently been playing with is creating illustrated poetry cards or inspiration cards. Of course, I have my Redbubble store where my artwork is available on lots of items, from clothing to things like puzzles. There is still much up in their air right now. I’m not sure what the next few months or the rest of the year will bring, but I know it is time to start honoring my creativity and being willing to see where it will take me. However, at the same time, I do not want to overdo or burn myself out. I want to follow my heart and soul’s calling; while providing myself with the freedom and flexibility to honor my natural energetic rhythm (mind, body, spirit).
Smitten by the light of the moon
I envision the night to come
A whispered lullaby
The place where dreams are born
When daylight beacons
And the sun shines upon my face
Her sweet warmth fills me with hope
My soul is comforted by her radiant smile
Her kindness humbles me
And reminds me of my own unique worth
Trusting the echo of the nights’ dreams
I proudly embark upon my new creative quest