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Saturday, November 17th was National Survivors of Suicide Day aka International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day. This is a topic I hold near and dear having lost my adopted father to suicide when I was a teenager. It was a time in my life where I felt a lot of sadness and darkness of my own due to his loss. For a long time, it consumed me and I struggled with my own thoughts of suicide, though I never committed to the thought, I felt very sad and alone.

Souls Seeking Sanity

Silent screams posses a falsified sanity.

As I close my eyes and feel your soul languish listlessly around my room.

I tremble and your tears become my destiny.

Withering from the lack of redemption, you seek to find within hells mendacity.

You shun me without mercy and leave no room for pardon in my ceaseless doom.

Silent screams possess a falsified sanity.

And I blinded by your romping rage greet insanity.

You derive pleasure in condemning the living to your bloodthirsty gloom:

I tremble and your tears become my destiny.

You’re damned in eternal anguish and yet strive for internal victory.

You don’t seem to comprehend that you are trapped in hell’s snarled loom.

Silent screams possess a falsified sanity.

And yet I attempt to escape your vicious trap of idiocy.

Suicide you invented within my bedroom.

I tremble and your tears become my destiny.

Bathed in ferocity you introduce me to commit the same act of lunacy.

I’m weakening against my struggle, even as I fume.

Silent screams possess a falsified sanity;

I tremble and your tears become my destiny.

Storms of the Soul

Helpless

I hope for something

To bring me to the light

I feel myself quickly fading,

I have no more might to fight

I see the blood;

I wonder,

Where is it coming from?

I can’t seem to remember,

There’s only this throbbing in my side

I begin to wonder,

What have they done?

Even worse,

What have I done?

Why doesn’t someone help me?

I thought I wanted life to end,

How could I have done this?

What could I of been thinking?

I was a zombie,

A devil of the worst kind,

In my own mind

Fear begins to spread through me

My breath becomes shallow

PLEASE, someone, notice my pain

Notice my FEAR

This can’t be the END

I hear footsteps

They are near,

They’re too late

I have taken my last breath,

Into an unknown fate

Sadness.png

These are just a couple of the darker writings that shadowed my late teens as I worked through my grief. It’s not something many of my own friends and family members are even aware that I struggled with. After a while, I realized that I needed help and I found a counselor to talk to and began working through the grief and depression that consumed me.

Recently I’ve been sharing here on my blog the importance of speaking your truth and sharing your story, that by doing so we help others to know they’re not alone. So here’s a part of my story that I’m sharing in hopes to bring light to the darkness for someone else that you might recognize the warning signs of a loved one, a friend, or take the opportunity, to be honest with yourself and seek help.

You're Not Alone 2

 

Please if you need help please call or text this number

 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Line.

Speaking My Truth: Suicide Awareness and Prevention

TheSunshineArtist


Hello, my rays of sunshine! I’m Jenna Gee, aka the Sunshine Artist, always seeking to brighten the world around me and seeking to help others embrace the magic that’s inside them. Every day is an empty canvas waiting to be painted and an empty page waiting to be written. Let’s fill today with the magic of the world around us!


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27 thoughts on “Speaking My Truth: Suicide Awareness and Prevention

    1. It is for sure as there is a fear and stigma with admitting the struggles that we experience in life. How, knowing that other have been there makes it easier to know we’re not alone and that hope still exists even in our darkest hours. 🙏 Tha you for sharing!😊

  1. This touches my heart deeply! So sorry about what you went through as a teen and about the loss of your stepfather, so hard!
    Hugs to you for your honesty in sharing something so deep and those poems just echo such pain. So glad that you sought help and are now reaching out to help others. <3
    Suicide is a personal issue to me for I have gone through dealing with a loved one who has been suicidal in the past. Its agonizing for the one who is suicidal and for their loved ones who care so much.

    1. Thank you so much for your thoughts!❤️ Those of who have been personally touched by suicide, whether it is losing someone, struggling with suicidal thoughts, or watching a loved struggling with suicidal thoughts is never easy.

      The topic is uncomfortable and very personal for those going through it or those that have been through it. But I attended the suicide prevention and awareness walks near me every year to give my support and connect with others, which definitely helps increase awareness for mental health and breaks down the stigma so people can get help.

      Thank you for sharing your experience with me, as I definitely understand it hitting so close to home. ❤️❤️

  2. Thank you for sharing your story, Jenna. You are truly an inspiration. I hope those struggling will find your sunshine be inspired. 😊❤️🌹

  3. Silent screams….i believe this is very important in determining whether one has suicidal thoughts or is in a great depression. When you have screams running into your head which you can’t actually verbalize, this is a warning zone for you already…
    and yes i love the fact that you have shared openly your experience on this delima is has caused the lives of many teenagers now adays…it is important to share and create awareness..

    Kudos to you Jena for standing up and speaking the truth bravely

  4. I needed to reread this heart felt story Jenna. This testament is so visceral! You are so brave for sharing this dark piece of your life.

    After reading the reblog post on Winnie’s blog on suicide awareness, I thought about sharing a few stories of friends in the past and my own feelings. I’ve never done that before.

    Today I read a post by Muckley. He posted a quote by Maya Angelou, “There’s no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

    1. Sharing our stories and experiences is definitely healing and empowering. It’s when we find out that others have had similar stories and struggles and we help others to know they’re not alone.

      I’ve always been selective with telling people how my dad passed away. Grief is such a personal and sensitive topic in and of itself that sharing the element in which they passed away is often the most personal and difficult part of the story.

      I’ve attended many trainings and conferences on the subject of suicide prevention and awareness. But for me the most powerful element has been going to the yearly suicide price awareness walk in September where so many that have been touched by losing or almost losing someone to suicide comes together to support each other and reach out to increase awareness on the topic. It’s taught me there’s power in sharing your own story.

      1. I can understand why though. It is a really sensitive topic! I’m glad you had such a meaningful experience with those walks.

        Sharing ones story is still a shift in mindset for me! The culture in which my parents raised me in was about keeping things to yourself, but I always felt like that was flawed in someway. My relatives complain about us not understanding where they are coming from, but it’s no surprise because no one shared what they were feeling. We can’t read your mind! 😀

        I think the reason is due to the thoughtful fact of not wanting to burden someone else with your story. Being mindful and respectful of people’s boundaries.

        I think sometime in the next two weeks I will make a post on awareness. It will be a first for me… 🙂

      2. Thank you Sa! 🙂 I agree different cultures have different views of what’s acceptable to share, and most likely because of not wanting to burden others like you said and respect boundaries.

        I think taking baby steps to push ourselves outside our comfort zone for expressing ourselves more openly and honestly is perfectly acceptable as everyone has their own level of comfort.

        I look forward to reading your post on awareness. I think self-awareness is such an important topic for keeping ourselves healthy mind, body, and spirit. As well as, helping be aware of how we’re projecting our feelings outwardly with others. 🙂 ❤️

  5. It is very brave of you Jenna to share your story. And more brave to seek help instead of taking the wrong turn. You should be proud of yourself. Thank you for sharing this and your heart wrenching poems. Hugs, my dear friend. ❤️

    1. Thank you Punam! I think it’s an important topic to bravely share my story on. Even if I only make the difference in one person’s life, I know I’ve successfully made a difference.

      Every time I look back and read those poems know I see how far I’ve come from that dark place in my life. I was always such a happy and positive person, even back then that knowing the darkness that my dad’s death left on my spirit I’ve learned how important it is to be self-aware and to love yourself and take of yourself, mind, body, and spirit. I know that going through that experience and that loss in my life has only helped me grow stronger and share my story to help others.
      Thank you for your warm heart and hugs my dear friend.🤗❤️

      1. Sometimes being in a dark place helps us to appreciate positivity in a better way. And all experiences teach us important lessons. It is so good to see you emerge stronger and I am sure what you have shared will be beneficial to many.
        Keep smiling and spreading hope and love. You are so welcome, my dear. 🤗💕

      2. I agree, we wouldn’t appreciate the wonders and joys of the world as much without knowing and understanding the darkness that the world can bring as well. 🤗❤️

  6. You are very brave Jenna. Your story really touched me. Holding on to this kind of grief inside of yourself all alone must have hell on earth. I am happy to know you found courage to reach out. Thank you for sharing from the heart ♥️

    1. Thank you Helene! It was definitely a battle and I’m truly glad I found help and learned to cope with my grief in healthy ways. I hope that by sharing my story it’ll help others and give them hope and strength to know they don’t have to go through these things alone and there’s no shame in asking for help. After all, we all need help sometimes. ❤️

      1. Very true, there’s so much fear and stigma that holds us back from taking that step. ❤️

  7. wow dark and powerfully profound, hope many read this and so glad you got help!

    Had thought it was odd you mentioned your fathers death in a feminist post … the right link helps 🙂

    1. I’m glad it comes across that way..it was definitely a dark period in my life nobody would ever know about without me talking about it because I’m because I’m naturally a very vibrant and happy person…even before that so feeling so dark and gloomy was a warning sign to me that I need help with what I was going through. There’s such a stigma behind getting help people need to know it’s ok and it nothing to be ashamed of.

      Haha, when I read I sent you the wrong link I was definitely laughing.😉

      1. lol

        What people also need to know is that if a family or friend completes suicide it leaves a gaping wound, loads of pain and unanswered questions and then the thought of taking that option also arises … I used to give debrief school groups and tell them to look out for their own signs and support each other sensitively …

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